Sorry is all I can say

Ok so I know I don't post that much on here but I guess I just don't like this site anymore it just doesn't seem to get viewers like it used to, I don't know maybe it's my posts or people have become too in to tumblr and facebook. I am going to do another blog that I hope i'll keep up to date with which I will give you the link to.

I have No Smilers, No Followers, do people not want to smile anymore. I guess not. Anyway this the link to my live blog http://smiley-eyes1.livejournal.com/

TTFNXX

My name doesn't sound interesting

My name is not one to be in the spotlight, it’s too plain and boring. The letters merge together in one line. My signature, however much I TRY it will never look creative or interesting like photographers, artists and musicians who I have come before me. I want my name to be remembered and to be up there in the Magnum list of photographers, to be remembered and iconic in future generations; my photographs will capture them for a moment or several.

I will keep working on my signature :)

Keep your eyes smiling

Now I know I will work on it.

I have finally discovered what type of photographer I want to be ‘Documentary’

I want to travel the world and explore the different cultures it has to offer.

I want to capture events that will go down in history both local and far away.

I want to be like the photographers of Magnum and maybe someday I will be one of them.

That’s the goal. That’s the dream.

The End

She sleeps with one eye open,
To see him return,
You'd think since the first time she caught him,
He would have learned,
That to cheat for the thrill,
Is not the best choice,
To keep going for the kill,
And to not ignore her tempting voice.
I guess he likes danger,
And doesn't care about the cost,
Maybe he should have been wiser,
And it wouldn't have been he who had lost.
Now he sleeps with both eyes open,
In hope she will come back,
The words ' i'm sorry' had been spoken,
But nothing can fix the crack,
In the centre of her heart,
She's gone forever,
He's left behind in the dark,
She walked away from her careless lover.
It's over now,
Done and dusted,
She took her bow,
cause he could never be trusted.

Dear People of the World

I can officially say I am going through my R&B/Hip Hop phase again, i'm not surprised cause I do this every year atleast once :)

What started it off was a documentry on how Hip Hop changed the world on channel 4. They were talking about Lauryn Hill and how the album 'The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill' helped her become one of the best female rappers that the hip hop genre had witnessed. I then realised that some of the songs that I associate the most with my childhood along with the brit pop and old school cheese were the lyrical workings of Lauryn Hill and The Fugees.

That's all i really wanted to say, just thought i'd warn you because I may post a few hip hop/r&b related videos or words :)

TTFNXX

Just Plain rude

Okay so I have come to the conclusion that wind is not only annoyingly stupid but it's rude to. I was working yesterday and the wind was so bad it was messing up my scales making it almost impossible to way boxes in. Aswell as that the roof of the mule keep moving in the wind, it had an empty box on the top of it ( bad combination right) the box was blow in to the air and landed on my head> Just Plain Rude.

"Everyone wants happiness

No one wants pain

But you can't get a rainbow

without a little rain"

I just an email from my "Twin" as I like to call her, she's not actually related in anyway but we are so similar in things we like and how we act you would think we were. Anyway so yeah I just got an email from her and at the end was this quote, I think it relates to life perfectly. Everyone goes through pain granted some more than others but in the end things work out even if it only lasts for a day, an hour or a maybe only couple if minutes some light shines through the rain clouds and highlights the the colours. Okay so we may not find the gold at the end of the rainbow but if we did what would we do next, life is about searching for the gold not having it to begin with.

Thank you for taking the minutes out of your life you could have spent doing other things or even looking for the gold, insted you read this, my mind overflow.

TTFNXX

Full House

So my sister has moved back in to the family house not fully but almost, due to the fact she broke up with her boyfriend this morning. They were living together just down the road so she doesn't have to move far. She said she didn't feel the same way about him and it wasn't fair to string him along; she said she has been thinking about this for 6 months; I know I know that is a long time but I think she thought her feelings would change back again. She decided to call it a day when she got signs of him maybe proposing which would just be wrong and end up with more pain. I did't know what to do this morning when she came in the kitchen...

Me: aren't you suppose to be at work.
Sis: (knods)
Me: why aren't you?
Sis: ( bursting in to tears) me and russel broke up

Okay so when I see anyone of my family or friends cry and can't help but break down to, I don;t know if this makes me compassionate or just weak. I think maybe cause I like to write and have an over active imagination that I relate and put myself in to that persons position so I can understand what they are feeling; maybe I live my life experiences through everyone else.

It's wierd having both of my sisters in the house cause I have been so used to either being at uni or just having the one there when she wasn't working. A not completely happy family cause I know there is going to be some drama in the next month or so between my other sister and mother, which I will talk about tomorrow if the internet is connected.

TTFN Smilers xx

Who needs TV....I have a pea field

I really mean it in between weighing boxes and everything else I find myself completely engulfed in the ongoings of the pickers. The storylines that unfold infront of me sometimes may not be the most riviting but sometimes it is so ridiculas it is entertaining; it's like a sitcom.

It was has all the key componants: an ongoing location and theme throughout, romance, drama, arguments, comedy and also like all good tv shows it has a villian or two but you'll find out about them in later posts :)

So sit back relax and become captured by

P.O.D.S

Rain Sucks!!!!

Soaked and muddy, absolutly chucked it down in the field so we stopped picking. The scales were playing up, my clipboard and paper got wet so my pen was making holes in the paper :(

Oh well all dry now and listening to Reel Big Fish :)

Thought i'd share, one of the best songs by Reel Big Fish :D

"Suckers"

GET SWIFT!!!

Ok so yeah I love Taylor Swift :)

Frankie says it's more of an obsession but I don't care.
Her lyrics are clever and catchy, also I think everyone girl or boy lets not be sexist here can realate to at least one of her songs.

This song in particular is my fav, it's got a good beat but what gets me is that it is clearly a break up song but it's lively and makes you want to dance; it is in no way depressing or slow melancholly. ( don't know if i've spelt that right)

I dare you not to rock out to this song.

GET UP!!!! AND JUST DANCE LIKE A CRAZY PERSON TO THIS SONG :) GET SWIFT!!!!

Trust me would my smiley eyes lie :)

Well that was embarassing

Ok so the thing you need to know about me is that I talk to myself and i don't mean just like occasionally saying something to remind myself, no that would be too normal I actually have full blown conversations with myself.

Anyway so I just got back home from picking up fish and chips for everyone, I knew that my parents had gone to the pub and just assumed that my sister was asleep since she just had surgery on her ear. So walking round the kitchen just talking to myself.

" oh becks must be in bed, yay sitting room to myself" part of the conversation
I even started talking to myself about how I was gonna have my chips in a bowl for some reason, I don't know my mind is messed up and just weird. Anyway I went and got a bowl and came back and my sister was sitting at the table on her laptop just staring at me. CRAP!!!

Damn it why does she have to be so quiet. I just continued to play it off as nothing had happened and that's now how it is going to stay, I think my family knows I speak to myself , my mum does it aswell but not to the extent I do.

Ok so they say talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity but I just call it an over active imagination or just too many thoughts in my head at once and some need to come out through my mouth insted of staying silent.

Still though, really embarrasing.

Pizza Express - Nice Scenery and the food wasn't half bad either

Last night was far from boring, I think it was due to we hadn't planned anything.

First of all Myvouchers.co.uk is the best thing ever. We managed to get a 3 course meal at Pizza Express for £25 for two, that and a bottle of Pino we thought our night was pretty much off to a winner. But as we walked through the door of the place of italian dreams we were met by as Beck's would put it "the most beautiful specimen of a man iv ever seen" no lie he was hot.

So eye candy sorted for the evening we sat down and ordered

Dough Balls- the best thing I have ever had

Me: there is raw garlic in this

Beck: I know thats why i just showed you a chunk of it, what did you think I was showing you?

Me: I don't know, but I just bit in to a big lump of it.

Beck: you fool

Me: I still have blonde brain cells even though my hair is brown.

We both got worried when we were slightly full from the starters ( I think it was the amount of bread in it. Becks went out for a rollie since it is known fact that when you smoke you burn some space in your stomach.

Beck: I hate to be melodramatic it but I think i might die if I don't have a rollie.

She left me there to enjoy the scenery and what not, actually some of the other waiters were quite entertaining. A waitress and camp waiter were talking behind me

Camp Waiter: have you seen his facebook?

Waitress: no

Camp waiter: OMG get on it

At that point I had to hold in the laughter, the way he said it was camper than John Barrowman in drag.

A bottle of wine and a pizza later, no lie we were full as tics.

Me: I think pudding maybe a slow ordeal

Beck: indeed, may need another bottle of wine

Me: Quite possible, I like the way you think

I would like to say that during this meal we both keep getting distracted by the hot waiter; but something did take my eye of him for a second ( just one eye though) a woman on a table in my eye-line had hair that a bird would be happy nesting in, I think she was trying to do the bee hive look, let me say no honey would be being made in that if you know what I mean.

Anyway both eyes back on. Everytime becks left the table, it was really bad timing, she missed the hot waiter every time ( her loss)

Once we had been served our deserts and he had walked away, a line that made me would laugh then proceed to have a fit of giggles was said by my sister who had consumed more food in her life and i large amount of wine/vodka.

Beck: He is beautiful....from every angle

Like I said we had a voucher so cheap meal, we paid and left a decent tip and because I wanted to see if she would do it, I told Becks to write her number on the back of the reciept, She did ( I think she's still waiting for a call though lol)

Its nights like these where I like being single and also am so happy that my phone has an office app so i could write certain things down, cause I would never have remembered all of this otherwise. Also The Mighty Midget was texting back faster than the speed of light with comments about the hot waiter and wht she would do in the situation, even with an idea on how to ask where he was from and I quote "excuse me but I have a friend who went to uni up north and you sound like you've got a northern accent, where you from?" ha ha might try it next time though.

NB Becks would like to add to this story as she was not the only guilty culprit and had to keep repeating what she was saying as my eyes did start to wander and glaze over at times.

Day off..... Again ( don't hate me)

Aladin's Cave for books
I would live here given the chance :)

Peas aren't filling so no picking this weekend :)

Since the season has started I have incurred serveral mossy bites, three or four bruises on legs and arms, one on my shoulder from smaking it against the fork lift forks; and yesterday to top it all off I have a scrap down the front of my foot from where a wooden pallet landed on it.

I am accident prone I know that so I kinda expect to injure myself during the summer but not this much in the first week.

Anyway since i'm not working I decided to start my uni project and also pop out to find some books on my summer reading list. :)

The Enormous Room by EE Cummings
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Tales by Edgar Allan Poe

all for a huge £8, i'm such a big spender. It's probarly a good thing that these were so cheap cause the other books on my list are not to say the least, some of the uni books i've managed to track down on PDF so I can just download them, happy days.

1 Hour

On wednesday I worked for 1 hour how suckish is that, I was all geared up to do a full days work was all organised and I went in to the field to weigh boxes in and as soon as I started they finished picking so I only had about 20 boxes to weigh and stack up. Got to drive the Mule though :) which I will take a picture off and some point to show my works vechical, kind of a down grade from last year since I was driving my dads truck with a trailer on the back ( yay no reversing trailers this year)

Anyway I'm bored, the peas haven't filled out enough to pick so no work for two days.

Currently downloading 'Dear Jack' the documentry of Andrew McMahon when he was diagnosed with Leukemia. It sounds amazing and I love jack's Mannequin and the meanings behind the music :)

It's that time of year again

I can't believe it's almost the end of June.

It's the start of the summer, I've just completely moved out of Halls in cardiff and am now back home for the summer to work on my parents farm and earn some dosh, while learning Hugarian and Polish swear words.

Tomorrow is the 2nd day of picking peas and broad beans but it's my first back on the job since I missed today due to the fact I was in Cardiff getting the last of my stuff and cleaning my room so I could check out of halls once and for all. I have mixed feelings about tomorrow i'm happy since I will start earning money for the uni trip to Poland next year and also because the sooner and faster we get these stupid vegatables picked the quicker it will all be over and I can go back to Cardiff and start being a student for the 2nd year.

I think I kinda started this blog at the wrong time since all I will be doing for the next 3 months is working non stop, so bare with me and I will try and find something interesting to write on here.

Along with work I have a summer project for uni and also has a mass-gigantic reading list which is a mixture of pleasure and uni related, who knew that photography has so much meaning and semiotical topics.

Oh well best be going to bed, early start in the morning.

TTFN and Sending You Smiley Eyes xx

Write what you know

Have you ever had writers block and when you've asked someone for their advice all they can say is "Write what you know" but what if I don't know anything, what if I have nothing interesting in my head and all I can think about is how empty my head feels and all my ideas have simply dried up.

Right so since I have this problem alot I have some advice and ways to get the ideas flowing again or atleast to make your head feel not so empty.

First thing I normally do is grab a dictionary and pick a word at random and write it in the middle of the page or on a sticky note. Next look at the definition and write any words that come to mind when you see this word or think about it; that may be words that rhyme with it or relate to it.

If that didn't work try closely your eyes and try imagining a scene in your head, don't think too hard about what you can see just let it happen and if you want to control the actions or events you can, it's your mind afterall. Plus I find music that is more instrumental is better for this since voices can sometimes put you off.

Okay so something else you could do is write what is in front of you, whether you are in your room, sat on a train, bus or on a bench this normally helps since you don't focus on the fact that you can't write and you focus more on what is right there just waiting for you to notice it.

Hope this has helped. Like I said this works for me but might not for everyone, by trying these you may find something else that helps you, either way don't just give up.

If you are still struggling contact me or leave me a comment below, these were only a few of things I do or the ones that help me the most. Everyone is different in the way their mind works.

Sending You Smiley Eyes :)

A Stroll Down Amnesia Lane

I am standing in a room, that is as blank as a new canvas, with my breathing as the first lick of paint.
The colour from my lungs is coming at steady pace until my newly found canvas starts to melt, dripping slow and smooth on to the floor; the wooden boards are sprouting grass, green and untouched by the human hand.

I have no recollection of this place; it may have seeped its way in from a film or painting, either way it has become main focus of the eye of my open mind. The image is so strong, like it has been inexistence along with my first films as a child; like the drops of rain falling in to the cracks in wood, never moving just soaked up and present in the never closing flood gates.

My attention has now been diverted to a figure in the background of my ever so present memory, a small child; a girl as slight and pale as a snow drop in spring. She dances with such poise amongst the red roses beneath her bare feet, landing ever so lightly brushing each petal as the gravity takes its toll.

Moving through the field of scarlet, the light breeze of spring running through her hair like fingers. Twisting it this way and that. But so engrossed in the texture so smooth in that gust of air, she trips over a forgotten basket. As she lands with a thud, her grace has gone, the crimson of the rose petals turns to liquid fire in her mind.

She stares silently at the watering can in which her head has just been, in her hands smudges of red begin to appear as they drip from her colourless forehead. The sky of spring turns dark and the girl’s face starts to fade and the walls of my blank canvas appear once more but this time colourful, yet gloomy.

Sand In My Face

"If someone wants to try to kick sand in your face, let them. They'll probarly end up kicking to hard or fast, become unbalanced and fall over completely missing you and getting a nice mouthfull of sand"

Okay so i'm not gonna just go off on a rant about someone in particular, nope, it's about everyone in this world that think they can mean just because someone is different or maybe not as confident. I know this girl and i call her a girl cause to be honest she doesn't diserve to be called woman or lady cause she is just a little girl, a whiny, angry at the world and bitch of a little girl. OK OK so maybe I am going off on one person in particular but I want to get my point across.
She loves Lady Gaga as do I, she loves the fact that she is telling everyone to happy with who they are as am I but she then picks on people or judges because someone is different, a little hypocritical if you ask me and it really pisses me off.

I was picked on from the age of 10 cause I wore glasses and I was overweight, although in primary school i let it pass, but it got worse in highschool and nickname on my first day of school was 'Waddle Waddle' which ofcourse hurt and made me feel tiny and that I was worth no ones time. I was silent in class but when talking to teachers I would put my smiley front up that I had perfected since the age of 11.

Moving through highschool I began to get a bit more confident and just ignored the drive by insults and just tried my hardest to be me and happy although like every other teenager I had my low points.

College was the best time of my life I really came in to my own and was shocked that I was able to make friends so easily and they never judged me and liked me for who I was, making me more confident.

I'm now in uni and still get the ocassional dig taken at me but I really don't care anymore, I don't see what they gain from it. I've again made so many new friends but still don't understand why people like me so much and want to be friends with me. I guess I will always feel this way.

I've been looking back on what people from my highschool are up to now and how well the people who picked on are doing and I know this is bad but most of them have done nothing with their live and are working jobs they hate. So i'm guessing that picking on me and other people didn't really help them in life.

Karma is a bitch but it's great when it works in your favour. Mwahhahahahah

A little rant for my first post, I don't rant all the time I promise :)

Sending You Smiley Eyes xx